| Age: | I'm 30 years old | |
| Color of my hair: | Golden | |
| What is my favourite music: | Electronic | |
| What is my hobbies: | Swimming |
Marriage hovers at your horizon, like a gorgeous sunset. But there is one teeny problem—really teeny and really giant at the same time. Giant because this disagreement could mean curtains for your relationship. She works long hours and then he for the gym. Please excuse the stereotypes. This example is typical, not universal. Often when a couple disagrees, a compromise can solve the problem.
How can you solve the problem?
A partner who would prefer to have but whose work, health, or extended family demands make parenthood less attractive may agree to remain childfree. Any possible scenarios, depending on personal histories and experiences, could emerge, and suddenly having children will simply not be an option. A baby would be even more stressful on the marriage. Find a partner who feels the way you do. The other person will come around. Go ahead and marry. What if you decide to go ahead and marry, without any reassuring answers to the questions above, hoping that love will find a way?
Choose a specific time to check in with each other in the future about where you stand. If you still disagree then, see a therapist who specializes in short-term, goal-oriented treatment of fertility issues. However, if you are in your 30s or 40s, you will need to be more proactive.
See a fertility therapist before your wedding date. You may want to do some noninvasive fertility testing to find out if your fertility is waning.
Try not to delay your decision for so long that if you decide to havethis may no longer be biologically possible. Use therapy strategically. Make sure your therapist respects the childfree choice as well as parenting. You also want someone who is skilled in short-term, goal-directed couples work, has experience with fertility decisions, and can give you food for thought and homework asments.
With this skill set, your therapist can offer you the best use of your time and money. It may make sense, after a few weekly visits to get some momentum, to spread out your visits so you have time for reflection and homework.
Speak up if you think the therapist is getting sidetracked by your past. While it may be relevant to discuss your family history, you need therapy that focuses on the tasks at hand: couples communication and decision-making. If you, your partner, or your therapist thinks you are too overcome with emotion related to your childhood or a condition such as depressionget a referral to a different therapist and work with that person individually. Commit to working together, especially if you decide to get married anyway before finding resolution.
Be aware that you are giving higher priority to the relationship than to whether you get what you want regardingand work toward a future solution. Despite stereotypes, children in one-child families are happier than the rest of us, according to extensive research. Ask your partner for ideas about how your solution could be made more palatable. Many women see this as a choice to have the pleasures of motherhood rather than absolute social justice. He or she is more than an obstacle to your parenting or childfree goal.
They will bring pleasure and meaning to your life as parents or a family of two.
The out of control child
All rights reserved. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. No there is no way that I would marry someone with whom I have a huge disagreement with already about whether or not to have kids. There are just ceratin things that you should agree on when you marry someone and whether or not you want kids someday would have to be one of those.
It may be the right thing for you and it may not be but there has to be some sort of agreement about whether you see this as part of your life together or not. I would not take a chance that he might eventually change his mind. How many of us think of something and stick to it for years and decades?
Not a lot of us, and not for a lot of things. My now-husband could never say yes to plans of having children when we got married twelve years ago.
We have two buitiful children now and he is a great father to them. Especially with young people,this decision may not always be a constant,so when your partner says yes or no to having children,it may not necessarily be an all-time thought. Well, you just never know do you? There have been times when at one point in my life I thought one thing and then as years went by I started to think something totally different.
So it all could change. I would think that any pre mariatl counseling would tell you that this is a really big thing and to disreard just how ificant it could end up being would be pretty foolish. You might really love this person and he or she may love you right back, but I think that there needs to be some meeting in the middle about the big things like money and kids, even religion. If you would be okay with that, no matter what the end decision would be, then I guess I would then go for it.
Should you marry someone who disagrees about having ?
I guess I would just encourage you to follow your heart. The heart knows what are the important things in life to you, and if you really take the time to listen then I think that you will have the answers you are seeking. All of those things are important right? And if having is something that is important to you then why would you feel like it should get pushed to the bottom of the list?
Oh, that silly Laci Peterson! By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy. Get Listed. Take with a grain of salt anyone who offers easy answers. Is marrying my beloved more important to me than whether or not we have ? For instance, you may love that your partner provides care to severely ill children, and realize that parenthood would mean no night or weekend respite.
If you seem to be totally opposed, and neither of you can imagine changing your mind, your therapist can give you homework asments to learn more about parenting or the childfree lifestyle and how your partner could make the choice more palatable to you. If one of you is going to give up your preferred choice for the sake of the relationship, it will be important to know that your spouse made every effort to accept your choice.
Invalid Address. Please confirm that you are human. Tiffani December 17th, at AM No there is no way that I would marry someone with whom I have a huge disagreement with already about whether or not to have kids.
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